This will be short and sweet as my Idol wind is sailing out of my soul slowly yet assuredly…
As an aberration or as a punch line, Jason Castro’s longevity on Idol – yes, even on the slickly packaged, arguably rigged, pop-culturally-slipping Idol – must be some cosmic prank. And no doubt it’s pulled by none other than Schlockmeister General Castro himself. He has been so awful so consistently that one just assumed he’d suck again, but no one – not even I – expected this kind of abomination. Suck? This kid is the Electrolux of season 7 and I am convinced that he is fucking with us intentionally to see just how far and long he’s able to get away with it. So far so good; he’s outlasted a host of far worthier Idols on a roach clip and a prayer, and to paraphrase Season 1-Simon, if Jason outlasts any other Top 4 contestant for one more week, there should be rioting in the streets of Hollywood. That he stands amongst the final four, all glazed-eyed and empty-headed, while the likes of a, say, Michael Johns and Carly Smithson – hell, even a Chikezie and David Hernandez – sit on the sidelines is proof positive of how clichè-ridden and wrongheaded America can be.
Instead of allowing the dire and ire to boil my blood in a rampant litany, let’s get down to business.
David Cook
1st Song: Duran Duran’s “Hungry Like The Wolf”
My grade: B-
2nd Song: The Who’s “Baba O’Reilly”
My grade: B
The ”Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame” theme night could have been spectacular; it also should have been called, in theory, “David Cook’s Hall of Fame” because if ever there were, was or is an Idol with a devilishly perfect night toward destiny, it would be Cook and Rock ‘N Roll. You almost feel that this particular theme was planted right about now to ensure that the most marketable of the 4 would establish his certifiable crown three weeks early. That ArchuDiva proved the night’s victor remains ironic.
500 songs on the Hall Of Fame’s list (or, who knows how many cleared for the show) and Duran Duran is one of the two Cook musters up? Did he mistakenly ingest Castro’s bong water in his thinkset? Awkwardly sung (those DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOOs were particularly laughable), Cook initiated his main weakness – his interest in vocal pyrotechnics over soulful elucidation. That he seemed distracted as if to realize his err in choice was testament to that.
Sure, his version of “Baba O’Reilly” was superior. But compressing an iconic, sprawling near-7 minute masterpiece into 90-second teenage fodder rarely works, and it didn’t help that a good chunk of the first section was a soporific ascension with an anti-climactic hole the size of Cook’s forehead. Only his luster and conviction saved it from total mediocrity.
Another Baba…in English?:
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Syesha Mercado
1st Song: Ike & Tina Turner’s “Proud Mary”
My grade: B-
2nd Song: Sam Cook’s “A Change Is Gonna Come”
My grade: B+
The Tina Turner emulation was not only unnecessary, it was a major diversion from the rest of the performance; that it was more “Showgirls” than Ike & Tina Revue, perchance that was the point. It wasn’t a ’shrieking’ imitation as Simon said, but it wasn’t one of her strongest. So, I’ll chalk it up to another honorable Mercado failure. And, at least it wasn’t as tacky as this:
Or, maybe it was.
I was taken aback when Syesha dubiously compared the ‘pivotal time’ in her Idol-life to that of the civil rights movement. Not only was it monumentally stupid suggestion the first time, she said it again during her Brooke White moment, wiping the tsunami of tears that flooded her face. In a more emotionally disturbed Idol (i.e. White) this could have appeared as a sympathy vote-getter, but in Mercado, who despite her faults never appeared less-than-genuine, the salt-water told a different tale. Her performance was pretty, if flawed, and poignant…until she resurrected her biggest demon - her usual over-ambitious need for the over-the-top glory note finish. And it lands with a thud. This melody is so transcendent that any trilling proves absurd. Still, a solid second song.
Relish in the glory:
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Jason Castro
1st Song: Bob Marley’s “I Shot The Sherriff”
My grade: D+
2nd Song: Bob Dylan’s “Mr. Tambourine Man”
My grade: C-
Simon might have sealed Syesha’s fate when he told Jason to “pack your bags tonight”; if this brain-atrophying court jester has enough fans to have kept him in the competition long enough, lord only knows how many texts and GoPhone calls they’ll be dialing ’til their yellow-fingertips bleed.
What irks me most about Castro’s weekly stay is his flippancy. For all Sanjaya’s crimes and misdemeanors against music last season, no one ever doubted his gratitude and appreciation to his fan base; and at least he liked to entertain. Castro will never be perceived as someone who actually wants to be there. You wonder why ever auditioned in the first place.
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David Archuleta
1st Song: Ben E. King’s “Stand By Me”
My grade” B+
2nd Song: Elvis Presley’s “Love Me Tender”
My grade: B+
When pondering the phrase “Rock And Roll”, David Archuleta isn’t the first name to roll off the tongue so digestively. I mean, our resident Idol mascot is about as Rock ‘N Roll as the “Teletubbies on Ice”. But with smart song choices and a more restrained, less histrionic Diva delivery, he recaptured what has endeared him to millions of tweens and grandmothers (and the occasional pervert) for the first time since “Imagine”.
Okay, instilling “Beautiful Girl” into his “Stand By Me” was preposterous and silly for the obvious reason (really, David, “all you beautiful giiiiiirlssss” while performing so flamboyantly?), but it was so quirky and snappy and snazzy that you could overlook what minor quibbles there were and (VoteForTheWorst be damned), there were few.
“Love Me Tender” was Archu’s way of healing an aching world one Archie Angel at a time. No, he’s not gaining any new fans, but at this point does that even matter? His disciples are literally texting and dialing hundreds of times each as I type this. And it’s deserved after such a reserved and textured vocal.
I know, Archu’s styling isn’t my cup of java, and I won’t be rushing out to buy his CD once he wins, but fair is fair. For what he is and who he is, and for his Angels in waiting, this kid might actually make it past the 15 minutes of assured Idol fame. He deserves it.
“Love Me Tender”…in HELL!!!!!!:
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It’s hard not to perpetuate anything but negative thoughts, I know. But Castro’s ascent dissipates this season’s incessant proclamation that “THIS IS THE MOST TALENTED TOP 12 YET!!!!” Hell, it ain’t even the most talented top 4 anymore.
But pins and needles…I know…needles and pins…it’s a happy man that grins.
Who’s crying now?
I think your assessment was pretty much right on the money here. I’ve been seeing all these posts on various boards about “how can you compare Jason to Sanjaya? Jason is sooo much better!” And I say “Baloney.” You’ve got it right on your blog: “What irks me most about Castro’s weekly stay is his flippancy. For all Sanjaya’s crimes and misdemeanors against music last season, no one ever doubted his gratitude and appreciation to his fan base; and at least he liked to entertain. Castro will never be perceived as someone who actually wants to be there. You wonder why ever auditioned in the first place.” That’s exactly what I was thinking last night after his second performance. He definitely looked stoned, too. And Carly giving him a lone standing o after that ridiculous rendition of Tambourine Man ain’t gonna help. Last night was a real test of his fanbase. We’ll see if they made their fingers bleed enough to get him into the coveted top 3. But can you imagine if they did? If they have to fly Joker Jason to his hometown for a big celebration? He’ll probably be stoned for that, too. If I were the hometown, I’d be embarassed.
Thank you for your spot on comments!!!!!! American Idol has become so boring its unbelieveable !!! When Michael Johns left I thought the show was a joke . Leaving the vocally limited Jason Castro, Kristy Lee Cook and Brooke White. I would find myself turning the channel because the show had become so uninteresting !!!!! This really isn’t a talent competion. Its like anyone with a brain knew who the final 2 were going to be. So lets get it over with and let David and David battle it out.
“Destroyed” is a bit much…the man wants to go home, let him go!
Just wondering…didn’t you really like Jason when he did “Daydream” and “Over the Rainbow”? I think I remember reading that in your reviews, so with that in mind I think “destroyed” is a bit much, since you HAVE liked him in the past. Of course he wants off the show, I would too if I were him…you can’t blame him for his fans still voting for him even though he obviously want to go….
Hi Gabs – you shouldn’t take “destroyed” too literally. It was used as dramatic license. Of course I don’t want any harm to come his way. And yes, I actually liked ‘Over the Rainbow’ and ‘Hallelujah’.
Hey, i think this is entirely right. If Jason doesnt go tonight then most of the people watching American Idol need to learn what REAL music is. But David Archuleta and Syesha did pretty good, well thats what i thought.
It’s the dreads. Kids like ‘em, even if they are kinda stinky.
Too bad it’s a popularity contest and not a singing competition.
I cant help myself from thinking that Michael John and Kelly Smithson deserved to be in the top four..how I long to see them performing again.
I only have one thing to say…”BOB MARLEY!”
Smoke in Peace dear Jason…