[Photo courtesty MJSBIGBLOG]
Kris Allen, Allison Iraheta and Adam Lambert
Thanks to all for the birthday e-mails and for the patience! Here’s a quick recap of this weeks goings-on!
To paraphrase Elton John, “Can you feel the hate tonight”? Perhaps quoting the “Lion King” isn’t the most provocative way to begin this Report Card. But after Yahoo ran a story on Danny Gokey earlier in the week, and quoted (and linked here) a minor criticism I’ve had about Idol pimping him as the “Chosen One” after one halfway decent performance (the dead wife shtick that the producers and Gokey himself like to ram down our throats probably helps), I received copious amounts of hate mail from maniacal Gokey fanatics who, amongst other things, wished me dead, assessed that I must be “a Republican with that ‘chosen one’ bullshit” (Republican!?!?! Now I’M insulted!) , accused me of being “some overwight [sic] moron who has no place in life but behind his computer screen” (I’ll give them the weight, but a moron? No way. Okay, maybe a little…) and that “Jefferey [sic] C. Are you out of your mind? whom [sic] ever put you in the position you are in should be hung. Keep your opinions to yourself and go back to your loser life you had prior to this life.”
And I thought David Archuleta fanatics were mental! But, while I love the love, I adore the loathing too. It means that what I say actually means something to someone. Passion kicks ass!
If you want to read the Yahoo piece, click HERE. The article was more engaging than what we were dealt on this past second week of the Top 12 journey, although the evening did have its surprising moments. It was better than last week’s assault on the senses (which was parallel to watching a Cobb salad putrefy for all its rotting performances) which isn’t saying much, I understand, but at least we were spared the whole TV series-in-the-making “Danny Gokey: Ghost Whisperer” pilot (at least until the Top 12).
It was expected to be the gayest night yet, as theater scream queen Adam Lambert went toe-to-toe with Idol’s own Rip Taylor, Normund/Nick (or Nick/Normund) until I realized that next week’s Top 12 will look like South Beach in June! More on that then. What I didn’t expect this week was a show-stopper by an up-to-now invisible 16 year-old rocker chick who stopped the show with a rousing version of Heart’s “Alone”, stealing it away from Carrie “Dead”wood forever. As someone who never bought Underwood’s vocal bluffs, I still swear to this day that it wasn’t her cold reading of the Ann & Nancy Wilson classic that was memorable, it was the glorious back-up singers. Allison Iraheta is her name. Remember it. Because while watching her being interviewed is like watching paint dry (the execrable Seacrest is partially to blame), her singing is pure T.N.T.
I have to give Nick Mitchell (or his alter ego Normund Gentil) credit for throwing a big, glittery wrench into the well-oiled machine that is Idol. While I understand his position in the Top 36 was due to SPKR, not his vocal thrust, he proved, if anything at all, he wasn’t going to be made the jester, he was going to be the jester. When he’s not Normund, Nick’s voice is as thin as smoke from a hookah pipe, and he wouldn’t have gotten past the audition phase if not for his shtick, but I say, who gives a shit? He was damned entertaining. His outrageously awful, hilarious take on the Jennifer Holiday classic “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going” was Idol’s own Borscht Belt revue. It was funny, uncomfortable, dizzying, side-splitting, and outlandish. And the Top 12 will not be the same without him.
The three new members of the exclusive club were, for the most part expected. Golden boy, Hollywood fav Matt Giraud decimated his chances with a putrid, wonky version of Coldplay’s “Viva La Vida”. I was surprised that Megan Joy Corkrey didn’t make the cut, but it’s probable that she and Jesse Langseth cancelled each other out because of their fairly similar, quirky, stylish vocalizations. The judges unjustifiably bashed Mishavonna Henson, who gave a perfect reading of one of my favorite songs, “Drops Of Jupiter”, that made me forget my still-lingering nightmares of Ace Young shoving his scar in out blinded eyes while our ears bled with his honking a few years back. One chubby, blue collar nice guy per season, thank you very much, so goodbye Matt Breitzke, even if your ”If You Could Only See” was infinitely more tuneful – though no less tedious – than knee-jerk Top 12er Matt Sarver’s Gavin DeGraw redux. Jeanine Vailes’ hideous Maroon 5 number was bested by her gams, and Kai Kalama was so sterile (ironically since he always looks like he needs a bath) I almost forgot which ancient tune he dredged up. Jasmine Murray? Who?
The surprise was Kris Allen. Average vocals, goofy grin, yet adorable, his “Man In The Mirror” obviously influenced enough of the obvious tween masses to advance him into the Top 12.
Oh, a little sideline here: not to start an anti-Gokey rant, but with this new format in place, where we won’t see any of the Top 12 perform again until its completion, are we to hear weekly pimping of Gokey’s shining white light? Was I the only one bothered at Simon’s dig at Allen by invoking that he’s not as good as Gokey (which I totally disagree)? Argh.
Anyway…the last of the the week’s new Top 12er is Adam Lambert, out and proud and damned loud! Promising to tone down the theatrics, Lambert proceeds to flamboyantly over-perform “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” like the ghost of Sally Bowles auditioning for a Rolling Stones Cabaret. It was the kind of pretentious, clangorous caterwauling that ironically makes superstars out of amateurs. With his zombie makeup, smeared eyeliner, Steven Tyler/Stevie Nicks wardrobe and overt histrionics, Lambert is the campiest contestant in the history of Idol. And, believe it or not, I actually can’t wait to be entertained (or not) by his next drag show.
So, there ya have it. Three more additions to Season 8’s Top 12, whie the other nine bite the dust. Or in Nick/Normund’s case, the pillow.
*****
Here’s the grades for the performance night:
Jasmine Murray
Love Song by Sara Bareilles
Grade: C
Matt Giraud
Viva La Vida by Coldplay
Grade: C-
Jeanine Vailes
This Love by Maroon 5
Grade: D-
Nick Mitchell /Normund Gentle
And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going from “Dreamgirls”
Grade: A (for overall entertainment value) | C+ (for vocals)
Allison Iraheta
Alone by Heart
Grade: A-
Kris Allen
Man in the Mirror by Michael Jackson
Grade: B
Megan Joy Corkrey
Put Your Records On by Corrine Bailey Rae
Grade: B+
Matt Breitzke
If You Can Only See by Tonic
Grade: B-
Jesse Langseth
Bette Davis Eyes by Kim Carnes
Grade: B+
Kai Kalama
What Becomes of the Broken Hearted by Jimmy Ruffin
Grade: C+
Mishavonna Henson
Drops of Jupiter by Train
Grade: B+
Adam Lambert
Satisfaction by The Rolling Stone
Grade: B
*****
And, as per usual, click the link for Jim Cantiello’s weekly IDOL In :60!
Nice post, I agree with you on pretty much all of it, but I’m just not feeling shrieky Lambert. He needs to scale it down a notch or two, otherwise it’s gonna get very old very fast. I’d also bump up Allison’s grade to an A or even an A+, just because to me so far she’s the only promising finalist.
As for the hate mail – my theory is that people’s main outlet of anger and frustration at the general world is ‘comment’ boxes on the internet. People are so unnecessarily hostile, just because they can be. I recently made a comment on one of Slezak’s articles on the EW website saying I preferred the female singers this year, only to get the two-word response “You’re wrong”. I was like “Dude, nobody’s ‘wrong’, I just prefer one thing and you prefer the other!”
In any case, keep taking it all with a pinch of salt like you have.
Yeah,reference to Danny Gokey annoys me because he’s not that great.If he’s great then it’s okay with me.The fact is he’s not.Maybe he’ll prove me wrong but we’ll see.
Love your take on this; very entertaining read – but I completely disagree about Adam – he’s madly talented, smoking hot, and gives this old show a much-needed shot of excitement.
And people still haven’t stopped talking about Danny Gokey. He’s like the Paris Hilton of Idol. Amazing.
What a relief to know that I wasn’t the only one to gag over the Widower’s dead-wife overkill. I mean, I felt for the guy when we first heard the story, but geez. American Idol’s a singing contest, not Queen for a Day, the old ’50’s show where the old crone with the hardest-luck sob story won a washer and dryer or whatever. Let the poor woman rest. Sorry you’re getting death threats. Little do those people know that your loved ones would then be able to ram your death down everybody’s throats if any of the threats were carried out. Gokey Chokey revenge.
I can’t believe I’m taking the time to write about a dumb thing like American Idol. I actually hate the singing of even the most talented ones because I’m strictly a punk/indie person, but the show and the people involved are so damn fun to make fun of.
Hey, and if I were a gay man, I’d be getting off on Adam Lambert with the Mute button on.
So Adam was super gay during his performance? I thought it was the single best thing ever on Idol. To this straight girl, I have to ask, “Where have all the gays been hiding?
Rickey,
You know that I am a Danny Gokey fan, but I am not going to rake you over the coals. You and I had a serious discussion about what Idol was doing with his backstory and exploiting him without him even realizing what Idol was even doing to him. Yes, Danny needs to take his mourning private. It’s been less that a year since Sophia has died. Idol is setting him up big time to be the shocker elimination if the widower story keeps up. But if you put all this bull aside, he can sing and he engages me and gets my attention when he sings. However, Rickey, you do need to back off of Danny. Enough is enough now.
The one I truly cannot stand is Adam Lambert. He is over the top, over theatrical, and just plain weird from the get go. He frightens me literally from my own TV. I don’t care that he’s gay, I care about how he carries himself when he performs and tries to entertain me. Rickey, the boy is downright frightening. When he sings, he practically sticks his tongue out of his mouth like he is going to french kiss his microphone (refer to Upright Cabaret Performance of What’s Goin’ On) the lip snarls, and the exaggerated aggression. Someone put him in a cage please!!
Rickey, you know I love ya, but you know as well as I do that Idol is running with the ball on most of what is going on with Danny. I hope and pray Danny is going to stop them and say enough.
I’ll post your comment here, but I’m not Rickey! LOL. Love ‘im of course, but you meant to post this on his site!
Pretty much agree with this post. Although in some way, I think Adam is much more exciting to watch than Allison. Yes, she has a fantastic voice, which is especially impressive for her age, but it’s nothing new. Adam has a distinct style and is hilariously campy, and I think what Idol needs right now is someone who can be defined, maybe do something new other than belt out the high notes (which he also does).
Also, I hope Mishavonna somehow gets through via the wild card round, but it seems unlikely given the judges’ bashing.
I loved Megan’s audition but her performance that night was rather meh.
As for Kris, if Tara’s comments can be trusted, hope he does better the next time he performs.
I agree with the Nick/Normund part.. he was awesome.. rubbing that American Idol sign marks you on Idol History!
i also agree about the Gokey comment, yes the guy can sing.. but as far as we’ve seen what got him through 90% of the time was his sob story.. i actually like the guy and i’d prefer it if he got far for his actual singing talent.
about kris allen, i was half expecting him to go through because of all the tweens drooling over him. honestly i thought megan would go through *sighs*… and right now, i dont see megan having a chance at the wild card round.
and lastly, who wants else has a strong feeling that Lil Rounds gets the pimp spot on group 3? I do..
I don’t think D. Gokey is all that good..
I have to agree with” cougar 4 cookie”.
I like Danny, he has a good voice and stage presence and feel that Idol producers are pushing his unfortunate story, not Danny. As for Adam, I think he is too over the top for Idol at the moment. He can sing and perform but needs to tone it down a bit. Good luck to both.
I think Danny Gokey is great – I thought his arrangement of the song could’ve been better, but I do think he has a great voice and will do really well in the competition… but soo many people keep thinking that he himself is “pimping” his widower story, and he’s not. The producers at Idol will spin any story any way that they want. And if someone is asked “why did you try out for American Idol”? What is he supposed to do?? LIE? You can’t change the circumstances in someone’s life. What he is going through IS his life, he can’t change that. But instead of people giving him crap about it, they ought to be talking to the Producers and telling THEM to give it a rest because THEY are in charge of what goes on the air! Good luck, Danny!
This is the first time that I’ve read your “Report Card”, and I must say you’re a pretty funny writer.
Idol has been a bit tedious for me this season even after this new 36-person format. But, one thing I find interesting about Idol, in general, is how all the gay, quasi-femme flamboyant boys get knocked out early on in the competition. What’s up with that? I do hope that this won’t be the case with Lambert. Despite some very diva-esque antics and an 80s goth look, he is very talented and brings something a bit more extreme to the lot. Though, as with all schticks, it doesn’t last long . God knows know long Nick Norman could have kept his up…
Let’s just pray that after all this rigamarole that we land on 12 above-average singers who have some shining personality.
Danny Gokey is a scam artist and an asshat. I guess there really is a sucker born every minute.
Observations were spot on as usual. Although, in my hetero opinion, there was and will be no bigger nor better AI queen than last year’s Danny Noriega. And stop picking on Republicans. We like your column too.