AI Report Card Top 10: Motownphilly? Back AGAIN?!?

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I don’t mean to be a “Stubborn Kind Of Fellow”, but, come on, Idol producers! “Do You Love Me?” because “Baby, I Need Your Lovin’”! I mean, these weekly themes…oy…”It’s The Same Old Song”, especially on obligatory Motown night. “This Old Heart Of Mine” can’t take any more amateurish takes on a classic catalogue that’s been more overdone than the “Roadrunner” out-wiling Wile E. Coyote! I “Ain’t Too Proud To Beg” through “The Tracks Of My Tears”, dawgs. “I Just Can’t Help Myself”. Just “Let’s Get It On” and call a cessation on such insipidness – they leave me feeling “Upside Down”, and not in the good way. “Neither One of Us (Wants To Be The First To Say Goodbye)”. So, “Do It, Baby”, “Let’s Get Serious” here before its “The End Of The Road”.

Okay, scoff at that paragraph if you must (you’d be justified); hyperbole is the fool’s tool that I’ve utilized far too often here in my tiny little cog of the blogosphere wheel. But, I think it hammers my point. It might be a futile point, almost a decade in, but if we must be bombarded weekly with grasping-at-straws thematics, a different, more challenging approach might be better suited. Remember Big Band Night from season 1? That separated the amateurs from the no-talents (Kelly Clarkson and Tamyra Gray both soared to heralded heights). Queen night from season 4 proved to be a fascinating wrench thrown in as well. But last week’s dismal Country/Opry week and this week’s Motown night are so been-there-done-that (including during all seasons past) that it proves a moot point. I know I actually fool myself into believing this is a singing competition, but despite Randy’s indecipherable gibberish, even if you CAN sing, you CAN’T sing anything. Randy Travis might be a great Country singer, but if he tackles Marvin Gaye, I’m jumpin’ out the window.

(Besides the philosophy that Motown is an archetypal institution too rich in indelibility, it has also fallen victim to an over saturation in the pop culture consciousness.  Do we really need to hear the same old songs dripped in karaoke arrangements?)

The point I’m trying to make is an argument oft-made by far too many for far too long:  it’s useless – and, well, stupid – for amateurs to sing in various genres in a singing race. Not everyone is a stylist or an interpreter. Few in Idol’s history have been – you can claim that Clarkson, Fantasia, Melinda Doolittle, Elliott Yamin and, to an extent thus far, even Adam Lambert might exceed in diverse fields.  But more-often-than-not, most stumble when out of their particular element.

I know, I know…then what kind of contest would that be if the themes just stopped? Well, perhaps 8 seasons of a talent showcase not so nullifyingly, ironically restricted.

But, as I stated, moot point.  Smokey Robinson mentored the Idols tonight and no one could be more “Overjoyed” (okay, I’ll stop now) than I was that, with three Temptations, two Marvins, two Smokeys and a single Martha and Supremes, only one Idol attempted a Stevie Wonder.  Stevie is my Idol, and the time is now to finally realize my years-old dream of starting an online petition for Stevie to invoke a Cease and Desist moratorium to Idol of his song book.  Especially – oh, dear lord, ESPECIALLY – after tonight’s one Wonder massacre.

While there were one or two fine performances and two standouts, for me – as Marvin and Tammy breathtakingly sang – there “ain’t nothing like the real thing, baby”.  Now I’ll really stop.

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Matt Giraud
Song: Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On”
Grade: B

Wearing David Archuleta’s painted on leftover jeans from last year was probably the wrong attire whilst wooing “Let’s Get It On” to the teenage jamboree in the first row, but  our resident ‘Gumby Buble’ (oh, come on, it’s a term of endearment!) is the Idol in this household. Rob thinks he’s just dreamy.  Me? Appealing during the Smokey mentor session, and starting off smoothly, I winced when he stepped away from the piano.   “Marvin would have loved that”, Smokey intoned, and perhaps he’s right – he was the man’s best friend.   But only if Giraud continued to tickle the ivories and imbued the promised seduction, Gaye might have agreed.  What I didn’t have to be distracted by was counting his pubic hairs through the jeans.  Possibly fearing the worst tonight, they overpraise a rather mediocre performance early in the evening and once again declare Matt a front runner.  Upped a grade for a sublime beginning.

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Kris Allen
Song: Marvin Gaye’s “How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved By You)”
Grade: B+

This is a song that has befallen to the dreaded “Wussy curse” by James Taylor and continues to be a Lite FM staple, and I wasn’t thrilled at the prospect of Kris strapping on his gee-tar and Contemporary Christian-izing it.  Initially dismissing him as a blatant display of good looks over tangible talent, Kris has surprised me.  His recitals get better weekly, his tendency is to take this competition more seriously than a few others, and weak night or strong (this evening proved sturdy enough) he’s a genuine bonhomie – so likable and so seemingly real.

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Scott MacIntyre
Song: The Supremes’ “You Can’t Hurry Love”
Grade: C-

It’s time America. I understand your inherent want and need to help the handicapped, but this ain’t “Extreme Home Makeover: Idol Edition”.  You’re not only paying disservice to an otherwise affable personality, your blatantly lying to him.  And that’s not really nice, now, is it?  Now, put the phones down and save your dialing fingers for a worthy Idol.  It’s time to stop being deaf, dumb, and Scott.

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Megan Joy
Song: Stevie Wonder’s “For Once In My Life”
Grade: E (Or as my friend Charles said, “Ew”)

Made me ponder if we could sue Idol for crimes against humanity.

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Anoop Desai
Song: Smokey Robinson’s “Ooh Baby Baby”
Grade:  B

Anoop’s vocal strengths (and weaknesses) seemingly appear and vanish in intervals.  While I agree with Kara (don’t you hate that?) that it is a difficult song (well, for a limited vocalist such as Desai) to sing, Anoop did the best he could to steer the tricky range of this almost perfect melody.  His falsetto was just under the radar and slightly harsh, not tender (as Paula inaccurately described).  But I appreciated the raspiness he brought to his interpretation.

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Michael Sarver
Song: The Temptations’ “Ain’t Too Proud To Beg”
Grade:  C+

I never realized that ‘bringing the church’ meant overreaching toward boundaries you have no right attempting.  Sarver, clearly out of his element, personified the lost puppy in the big ol’ city.  But as desperate as it was to watch (and hear), it was far more head-scratching to witness Paula’s negative critique – so, Paula, at which point of Sarver’s “Las Vegas lounge” act was not loungey enough for you to get on your feet and dance all the way through? Just curious.

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Lil Rounds
Song: Martha & The Vandellas’ “Heatwave”
Grade: C+

Rounds’ facial expression even before KRaPS had the chance to say anything spoke more to the volume of this wobbly rendition of what is historically an Idol curse.  Swallowing one syllable after another, and spitting out vocal burps, this was so rushed I thought she might pass out when she finished.  And, I must digress for a moment here - Kara’s stupefying statement that “You were the diva tonight that everyone was waiting to hear – this is your week” was veiled racism – as if to suggest that “Hey, the black chick plus Motown” automatically equals perfection.  It was an ugly avowal that’s even more offensive because I doubt Kara was smart enough to realize her own words.  What a dolt.

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Adam Lambert
Song: Smokey Robinson & The Miracles’ “Tracks Of My Tears”
Grade: A

What a revelation!  Lambert displayed a range we’ve never experienced by utilizing a vocal trait he’s never exhibited:  absolute vocal restraint.  By summoning a hint of Smokeyism in his quivering vibrato, Lambert swooped and glided over the gorgeous melody with uncomplicated effortlessness and crystalline tenderness.  And in lieu of the typical Lambert bombast finish, he drifted on a half note that sent shivers down the spine.  Sure, he loves the sound of his own voice, but finally, so do we.

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Danny Gokey
Song: The Temptations’ “Get Ready”
Grade: C

Wheezing and hacking like an inebriated Wedding singer, Gokey once again demonstrated his proclivity for a Taylor Hicks hierarchy by not only prancing about the stage like an electrocuted alley cat – even pulling the Hicksonian ersatz shtick by dancing with the background singers - but also  by whooping his way through a pale concoction of zit-faced white-boy R&B.   At what point does America realize the difference between soul and regurgitated acid reflux?

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Allison Iraheta
Song: The Temptations’ “Papa Was A Rolling Stone”
Grade: A-

Cutting through the subtext of the song with pathos and passion, guttural emotion and lustrous abandon, that big fat sultry voice begat another powerhouse from this season’s most exciting and soulful spitfire.  I’m not sure what Iraheta has in store for us in coming weeks, but it can only be as thrilling as any true force of nature.

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I made a mental note this morning to make sure I mention yesterdays passing of drummer Uriel Jones.  Idol is a cold machine, and it didn’t come as a surprise to me that – even on Motown night - his death would go unmentioned.  Uriel passed away from complications stemming from a heart attack he suffered in February.  Jones was a member of the legendary band The Funk Brothers, who were the ultimate Motown session band and played on most of Motown’s seminal 1960s and 1970s classics.  If you’re a fan of genuine music, go rent the exhilarating “Standing in the Shadows of Motown”.  Here’s a taste from the film, with the phenomenal vocals of Joan Osborne on “What Becomes Of The Brokenhearted”:

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