AI Report Card Top 2: I Believe Flying Without Wings Makes You Proud For A Moment Like This Time Of Your Life (Inside Your Heaven, With No Boundaries)

 

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I apologize. I am still celebrating.  

It’s been quite the week in Idol’s world since the long delayed – but delicious – departure of Season 8s albatross, and while I appreciate the countless e-mails and comments requesting my recap of the elimination of Gokey, I was too busy dancing in the streets as late as Saturday.  Okay, not really, but the unmitigated joy I felt was palpable.  My feelings for Gokeyhaven’t exactly been hidden under any type of cloak.  My disgust of the monumental pimping, his staggering pomposity, his early – then resurrected – use of his dead wife-as-sympathy, and Christian America’s impressive drive to keep ascend him to the top, was clearly on display for you dear readers. 

Another reason I didn’t recap the elimination episode is because no one has been able to capture the unadulterated joy or the almost organic justice of  the dearly departed Danny than my friend and yours, Jim Cantiello.  His. Best. Recap. Ever.  If you haven’t seen it yet, click his photo below to join the choir:

 

 

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But I don’t want to linger on the past, no matter how fundamental the need is to gloat.  Let’s just state that Gokey’s unabashed douchbaggery is still in full throttle mode as he made the post-elimination rounds, pontificating ad nauseum about HIS struggles and woes in a non-stop barrage of verbal diarrhea, continuing to know no self-discipline or humility as he preaches his everlasting love of himself, his wife’s coffin, and his god.  I mean, really, how soon before we’re up at 2am, just jonesing for a midnight snack, when we hear a familiar gruesome growl floating from our televisions, and are strangely drawn in – and on the screen we see throngs of teary-eyed sheep, hands waving to the heavens, singing along to possibly the worst songs you have ever heard… “…Shout to the lord all the earth let us siiiing…” or “…He is exalted the King is exalted on Hiiiigh!” or even “…there is a redeemer, Jesus, God’s own sonnnnnnn!”?  Only to realize that this is notthe latest edition of the umpteenth “Songs of Worship” CD collection, but Contemporary Christian’s newest megastar, Danny Gokey In Concert on the Gospel channel, which you inadvertently tuned into while sitting on the remote? 

And keeping in-line with that daffy zealotry, here’s a clip of Gokey professing his love of Michael Sarver (fellow castoff and preacher) – at first, he confuses himself, “I love this boy to…pieces…in a (pauses)..in the RIGHTw…”  But Sarver quickly interjects that it’s in “a GODLYway”, of course, to a relieved Gokey, lest anyone think they’re, ya know, Lambert-loving fags (regardless of the fact that Gokey’s lisp is more prodigious than Clay Aiken’s). Watch the buffoonery at around the 49 second mark:

 

 

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Going into tonight’s showcase, one couldn’t help but feel the juxtaposition of joy and excitement, and elated anxiety.  That Adam and Kris genuinely like each other only adds to that joviality.  It’s akin to the David V. David of last year – two talented, albeit singular, vocalists whose sense of artistry (hey Kara, I used that term last year, so if you’re back next season, pick a new catchphrase) and obvious affection for one another begot a showdown that was more brotherly love than battle-to-the-death.

Despite Lambert’s and Allen’s obvious aesthetic differences, these two showmen share an unlikely camaraderie.  Roommates during their long Idol tenure, there seems to be (anomaly or not) an unlikely friendship that’s made up of the disparate parts of Adam (openly gay big city theatre-queen-cum-pop-Emo wailer with a voice like a bursting nova mixed with quieting passion) and Kris (low-key small-town married preacher with a smile that sends shivers down the spines of little girls – and lots of boys, too – and cool and supple, flexible vocals, and unlimited arrangement skills that all add to his charm). 

This pairing is no freak show showdown on par with Justin/Kelly or Fantasia/Diana or Bo/Carrie (sorry, folks, based on week-to-week performance, Bo should have taken the crown) or Jordin/Blake – where talented singers managed to find themselves in the finals with novice curios.  And it’s definitely not another case of Taylor/Katharine or Ruben/Clay (or again Jordin/Blake), where the Top 2 were almost weekly out sung by the purged Top 3 finisher.  Nope, in Lambert and Allen we share in the outright joy of watching two amateurs blossom based on their abilities. And that’s an Idol rarity.

It all boils down to this – if you can forgive the cliché:  it doesn’t matter who wins, because for the second time in as many years you can actually say, in no uncertain terms, they are both already stars – and I mean that in the most monetarily of ways, because love or loathe them, success is assured to both.

But it IS a contest, and one has to win.  Who will it be?  I say forget the coronation song (co-written by Kara and performed weakly by both Idols) and judge on the merit of their other performances. 

 

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 Round One: Idol’s Personal Favorite Of The Season
Adam: Tears for Fears’ (a la Gary Jules) “Mad World”
Grade: B+
Kris: Bill Withers’ “Ain’t No Sunshine”
Grade: A-

 

I’ve never been the fan of this oft-used category during the finals because the ol’ cliché “You can’t go home again” rings true for a reason. It’s always probable that the Idol will reprise their greatest moment, usually to anticlimactic circumstances. Lambert’s original “Mad World” was so transcendent and so emotionally cathartic (he might have been singing the lyrics as if telling his own life story) that his replay this evening had no choice of being anything other than what it was – a flawlessly sung, less psychologically impactful redo of one of his (many) great Idol moments. 

On the other hand, Kris almost outdid his original performance by choosing not to sing his greatest Idol moment, “Falling Slowly”.  Deciding on “Ain’t No Sunshine” allowed him to refine it for a diverse interpretation. Utilizing the full orchestra in lieu of an on-stage string quartet (as it was done), with his deft piano skills, there was a not-so-subtle urgency in this reading that allowed the song to rock out a little more than his Top 9 more plaintive approach.  

 

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Round Two: Simon Fuller’s Choice
Adam: Sam Cook’s “A Change Is Gonna Come”
Grade: A
Kris: Marvin Gaye’s “What’s Going On”
Grade: A-

 

Season 8 might have been permeated with “worship leaders” galore (Michael Sarver, Gokey and Allen were/are all local pastors) but leave it to the gay New York Jew to bring Idol to church. Lambert soared and to hear him jolt a gospel flair he’s rarely displayed was invigorating. To complain about Adam’s explicit dramatics is ridiculous, as this is a Sam Cook standard that has been vocally flourished by greats like Patti LaBelle (whose version Adam has apparently heard, based on his performance).  This is exactly the piece of music where all the stops should be pulled, as long as it doesn’t thwart the message.  Lambert was intense, emotional, liberating and fierce all rolled into one. Simon, this is a vocal master class. 

I totally disagree with the judges’ dismissal of Kris’ “What’s Going On” – mainly Simon’s “three guys in a bedroom strumming along to Marvin Gaye”.  I’d love to see his critique of, say, Pearl Jam’s “Unplugged” episode.  And while I usually take no heed  in Randy’s idiocy, if the choice of song was “too lite for the big ol’ room” then blame goes to Fuller, not Allen.  That’s a moot point because when an Idol gets multiple turns at the mic, better to display a range of emotions, you should want them to mix it up.  Not only was this sung with passion and vigor and absolute comprehension of lyrical content, but it was a great acoustical jam. 

 

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Round Three: Coronation Song “No Boundaries”
Adam: B-
Kris: B-

 

If you’re going to have the balls, as an Idol judge, to co-pen this year’s Idol coronation song, you should at the very least try to imbue some of your million dollar skills.  DioGuardi might not be Diane Warren (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, unless you compare bank accounts), but she did write/co-write some recent hook-laden hit songs such as Pink’s “Sober”, Kelly Clarkson’s “I Do Not Hook Up”, Christina Aguilera’s “Ain’t No Other Man” and Celine Dion’s “Taking Chances” (originally sung by Kara herself on her defunct band’s Platinum Weird CD).   

Unfortunately, neither Adam nor Kris was able to instill a scintilla of their persona into it, as each meandered, clueless of its peripatetic melody, with Allen suffering worse as he could have benefited from a step-lowered key change. Though it suits Adam better (it could have been on Cher’s comeback CD of 1987), even his vocal pyrotechnics couldn’t spark this dud. Nope, “No Boundaries” takes its place amongst as the most dismal and tuneless of all Idol victory songs.  And that’s a hefty canon.  (Thankfully, Allison wasn’t on stage, forced to sing such drivel).

 

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Carrie Underwood
Song: “Motley Crue’s “Home Sweet Home”
Grade: C

 

Told ya Bo should have won.

 

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So, this is the end, beautiful friend (wow, imagine a Jim Morrison/Doors theme week!).  As the night closes and the voters vote, it’s now less than 24 hours until we learn who wears this year’s crown.

If Allison’s votes went to Adam and knocked Gokey out of the finale, will Gokey’s Christian congregation cast the deciding factor for fellow pastor Kris?  Or will Adam’s juggernaut result in the near-universal predictions that have saturated the landscape for months?

And – be it Adam or Kris – will we have to hear “No Boundaries” again?!

 

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Tatiana says, “You can go higher, you can go deeper, there are NO BOUNDARIES, above and beneath you…”

 

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